I Once Wrote This Letter

Ha.  That’s an understatement.  I once wrote this lotsa letters is more like it.

Anyway.  This one got published.  In a weekly newspaper of some repute (it has won a Puliter Prize, e.g.) in a city in the Pacific Northwest of the United States that I once lived in.  I’m re-publishing it now for lack of anything better to publish, and because I’m almost a year old, this blog persona, and I can still do whatever the fuck I want.

Briefly:  Had party, had band play, had good name sullied in weeklynewspaper, responded in kind.

SLANTED COVERAGE

While we here at the Fridge commend the generally fair, accurate and balanced journalism your newspaper routinely disseminates, we feel compelled to issue a correction to your write-up of the Chinatown-dance-rock band, the Slants, in the Sept. 19 edition [“Slanted and Enchanted”].In your article on the assured upward trajectory of the aforementioned rock and roll band you cited, as an example of this assured upward trajectory, the appearance of the Slants at a “mere Reed College houseparty” versus their later appearance, and CD release, at Dante’s. Though we no doubt wish the Slants nothing but the best in their quest for musical stardom, we take issue with your reference to our house, never mind our party, as a “mere Reed College houseparty.”

Issue One: This “houseparty” was not “mere.” Snoop Dogg was there. You weren’t. Deal with it.

Issue Two: This “house” at which the “mere houseparty” took place has nothing whatsoever to do with the aforementioned “Reed College.” Of the six individuals living at this “house,” only one attends “Reed College,” we don’t like him, and he lives in the flower room.

Issue Three: It wasn’t a houseparty, it was a bingo tournament.

Go fuck yourselves.

Sincerely,

The Fridge
Southeast 39th Avenue and Woodstock Boulevard

Editor’s Note: As of press time, WW has been unable to confirm that Snoop Dogg was, in fact, there.

Can I give the Willy Week one more ‘go fuck yourself’ here?  Because those bitches didn’t even try to confirm that Snoop Dogg was there.

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4 responses to “I Once Wrote This Letter

  1. i once wrote a letter that went like this:
    no, i mean i write letters like this all the time:
    dear tom,
    when i told you i’d meet you on the internet, i thought it would let us see a whole new side of each other, one that not only transcended the quotidian day-to-day experience that we shared in such places as the Fridge (sic) and the General Store, but that would expand and revitalize said shared experiences. in other words, i thought that shit would be fresh, like fresh shit should be. big. hot. yknow, like how hot is hot?
    hot is NOT republishing some shit i’ve got on paper already, sandcat. if i can write a new comment on your blog with three jobs, you can write a new blogpost with one. go fuck yourself.

  2. oh motherfucking snap.

  3. haters gonna hate

  4. (I appreciated it. Lazy assholes. They could have just asked you to put them in touch with Snoop. That simple.)

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