America’s Next Top Pundit… (Updated)

Is going to be a conservative.  Because they all are.

Herewith, the top 10, and my unfiltered reactions:

1) Newt Gingrich:  Really, America?  His name is ‘Newt.’  He’s an asshat.  And he’s a Catholic now, apparently.  Next!

2) Karl Rove:  Really, America?  Next!

3) Ann Coulter:  She wants to eat you whole.  Next!

4) Dick Morris:  Who?  Wikipedia tells me a) he has a column at the Hill, and b) he predicted in 2005 that the 2008 Presidential race would be a contest between Hillary Clinton and Condoleeza Rice.  Two strikes against him.  I’ll give him a third, somewhat arbitrarily, for being named ‘Dick.’  Dick, you’re aptly named, and you’re now on my shitlist.  Next!

5) Dr. Sanjay Gupta:  Wasn’t he going to be the Surgeon General or something?  I think that I remember reading somewhere that he’s a douche.  Let’s pretend I did.  Next!

6) Tom Brokaw:  Has an authoritative voice.  The only “radical leftist” so far.  Next!

7) Pat Buchanan:  Crazy-pants Buchanan, I call him.  Next!

8. Nancy Snyderman:  Who?  I’m not even going to look her up.  Next!

9) Tiki Barber:  The football player?  Wha?  Fucki?  Wh?  W?  Wher?  Huh?  Next!

10) Joe Klein:  The guy who wrote ‘Primary Colors’?  Wasn’t that, like, forty years ago?

When did I stop watching television?  It’s never felt so good.

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3 responses to “America’s Next Top Pundit… (Updated)

  1. Wasn’t Dick Morris also fired by the Clinton ’96 campaign for being caught with a prostitute at the convention?

  2. Fuck yeah, he was. I should’ve included that.

  3. Pingback: Thou Shalt Not Un-blog (Or Something Similarly Snappy, Or Snappy At All) « Blogbytom

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